The Battle

It's a battle. Not one that we can always see, but we know it's there. I've been feeling it lately. I've been seeing it lately. Not in some crazy vision sense, but in my day to day life. I feel the pull, the tug-of-war. I know who will win. I hold strong to that. There will be no defeat. My God will conquer! Knowing this makes me hopeful, full of faith. Knowing this makes it hard to accept that I am caught in the middle. Yet, I know that I am where God wants me to be. I'm sure this would seem strange to people who have no faith, who do not know the One.

I remember hearing a sermon once. Our Pastor was speaking about spiritual warfare. If I got anything out of it, I got this: if your life is all roses and daffodils, you are probably not doing much for God's kingdom. Doesn't that seem strange? You would think that God would want His children to have this wonderful, pain-free life and He would do anything to make it happen. The other realization I had was this: the more you do for God's kingdom, the more Satan notices you. And with that, more attacks. So, as with any war, if you remain neutral, no one will pay any attention to you. You can't be an active participant (either good or bad) and go unnoticed.

In the past few months, my participation level has increased. Hopefully, for those of you who know me, you know that I am on the good side. Woo hoo, let's clap our hands and say good for you. Not exactly the response I'm looking for. I am so excited and passionate about what God is doing in my life. I am so blessed to be a part of a church that puts Jesus first. I am praying like I've never prayed before. I am teaching precious young children about Jesus. I am serving God for His glory, not my own. And I am being kicked in the gut on a daily basis because of it. (Let me pause here and say that I am not having a pity party for myself, but just trying to interpret and share what is going on in my life at this moment. I know there are millions of people suffering for God's cause. And I know that their faith is probably a million times stronger than mine.) So this extra "special" attention that I am getting from satan should make him happy. Right?! Wrong!! This only makes me more aware of my place, my purpose, my Mighty God! And I hope that pisses satan off. I think he's probably pretty ticked off at most of the people in our church right now. That makes me rejoice!

Grace - San Antonio. Maybe you've heard of it. If you haven't, you will. The Holy Spirit is moving, He is there and He is making miracles! Every Monday, we have a leadership meeting. Well, being "over" the children's department (and being anal retentive), I figured I should be a part of these meetings. The meetings were your typical business meetings....How do you think the Sunday service was?.....Are there anythings we need to address this week before next Sunday?......That kind of stuff. We prayed at the beginning of the meetings and at the end of the meetings like good little leaders should do. Things were moving along, we had a new Pastor and he was getting his bearings like the rest of us. (We are a fairly new church) Then, one Monday, I was out for whatever reason. Ah, I remember, I hurt my foot and had gone to have an x-ray. The following week I make the meeting and Pastor Mike says we're going to do what we did at the last meeting. I'm in the dark. Maybe the church had invested in an x-ray machine and wanted to see what was really going on inside each of the leaders. Seeing as we have no doctors in our leadership team, this would probably have been a bad investment. Anyways, back to the important stuff. So the "thing" the team did the week before (without me, darn them), was to go into the sanctuary and pray. Not just some fluff prayer. No, this was prayer with powerful purpose. Prayers with the belief and faith that God was going to answer them. So now, we usually have a "general" prayer that is specific to the whole church and then we try to address different prayer requests submitted on Sunday morning and from our leadership team.

So began my battle. I was a little nervous the first week. I always feel like other people pray so much "better" than me. But something started to happen. With an open heart, a sincere heart, I began to pray. We all began to pray. I put aside my anxieties of what people might think of me if I let it all go. I knealt on the steps of the stage, the closest thing we have to an alter. I wanted to be at God's feet. The feet of the Creator, the One who made me. How awesome to come to His throne and He accepts me with open arms. I cried. I hate crying! Most of the people in our church probably think it's my favorite thing to do now! Since that day, satan has been at my doorstep. I pray for protection, I pray for faith, I pray for perserverance, I pray for Jesus! This prayer time is changing my life as a follower of Jesus. I love it. I'm not afraid to just talk to God privately or at our Monday night meetings. I don't try to make up some fancy words to inject here and there to make me sound more religious. I am me. I am who God made me. Sure there are parts of me that God is not pleased about, and that's a work in progress. But that's covered in the crimson blood of Jesus.

So all of this long drawn out "story" to say that I am a total basket case right now. I'm looking at this as a good thing. I am doing something "right" for God and something "wrong" for satan. That's pretty cool. I am reaping the earthly rewards right now. God is surrounding me with spiritual leaders who love me. They pray for me at the right time and for the right things. They give me encouragement. They show me Jesus every time I look at them. He may as well be in the room as flesh and blood. I hope some of you who read this will know who you are. And when we see me totally balling my eyes out, it's not always because things are going badly. It's because awesome things are happening and I am in awe. I cry just as hard for the good as I do the bad in my life. (Now I'm getting mushy, right? Not big on mushy!!)

I hope to keep this coming and give updates on a more regular basis. Please keep my family in your prayers. And please pray that people will hear about Grace-San Santonio and want to come see the awesome things God is doing there! (and to think that our family didn't want a church that was in a temporary facility..since changed, or a church that was just starting out, or a church that didn't have alot of extra activities planned.....God had a different plan and I am so thankful that He lead us in the direction where we could serve Him and not be distracted by alot of other churchy things).

www.gracesanantonio.com